Remembering Chris

2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009

February 5^th, we visited today because I will be traveling on your birthday.  We removed the Christmas decorations from the little tree.  It needed watering so we borrowed water from a gentleman who lives across the street.  We replaced the wreath with a new one that looks like it is made of leaves and berries carved from ice.  In the center of the wreath is a picture of you that is etched in glass.  I really like it a lot.  sw 2/5/2005

February 9^th, your birthday.  Your mom visited today and was very pleased to find that others had been here and left lovely remembrances for you.  We want to thank those who left the silk tulips and blue vase, the pink silk wreath, and the cross and wind chime.  We especially thank Tina for the Humming Bird, and for her note to you.  

As your mom was preparing to leave, a young man stopped and introduced himself as David ...  He said he is a long time fan, since the early denizens' days.  He and your Mom spent several hours sharing memories of you and your music.  

Chris, we marvel at how this place continues draw those whose lives you have touched.    sw 2/17/2005  

May 8^th, Mothers Day.  We brought 29 red and 3 white roses and placed them here where we come often to try to be closer to you.   We stayed awhile and then went to the boat, as we did on our last Mother's day together. Although we did not sail, as always our hearts and minds were with you.  

June 19^th 

                                                                                         Chris, we drove your TR 6 over here today.  We have it running pretty well.   I drive it to work once or twice a week.  When I drive it I often imagine that I can see your face and that certain smile that you gave me when you were about to give me some grief, and hear you ask me "Old man, what are you doing driving my car?"  Only god knows how much I wish that.   

Chris as we were driving over here today, your mom told me that she wished the car ran the way it does now when you had it, even if for just 5 minutes.  What she wishes most of all is that you would have been driving it that night.  I agree.  sw 6/19/2005

Chris, obviously, I’m writing this a day or so after spending the early morning hours of September 6 as close as I could get to you.  I cannot describe how I felt while I was there.  Hell, you already know.  I felt anger, loss, cheated, alone, love, and hatred.  So many emotions.  I have tried to imagine what you were going through when the accident happened. 

It is the third year that I have stood at the place where you left this world and wondered why?  I watch your mother just barely manage to get through each day and wonder why?  I wonder why young people have to die.  I wonder why young people like you have to die, when old, tired and worn out people just continue to rack up the years.  I find myself wishing it were me and not you.   

I have been told that god has a plan, and wonder what it could be when the plan allows such a wonderfully vibrant and talented young man as you to die?  I’ve been told that life is not fair.  I agree and right now this life sucks.  We manage.  I have my work that keeps me busy.  Your mom becomes totally absorbed in her cases.  We just manage to keep going.  We try to comfort each other but just do not have the words to do a good job.  We sometimes just hug; we are almost always just a word or thought, a smell, or a touch away from tears.  Life is actually a cruel experience.  I cry sometimes.  You know I hate to have someone see me cry.  Only you could understand how much I miss you.  sw 9/07/2005

December 22^nd       

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